


Don't Pull Away From Me

by Nihonkikuasa211



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Past Drug Addiction, Post-1x18, Tag to 2x03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 05:12:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8358646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihonkikuasa211/pseuds/Nihonkikuasa211
Summary: Angus had said that Mike was the only one who visited him in rehab. But that didn't mean that Mario didn't care. It didn't mean that there was no one who understood what he was going through in that hell.He remembered what it was like to be held, as he pleaded with Mario to let him go.





	

_Don’t Pull Away From Me_

_“Mike was the only one who visited me when I was in rehab.”_ He had been angry. Too angry perhaps, to register the fact that he was forgetting something. Angus could see his father’s face in his eyes, could see of the disbelief and growing anger. _I’m not running._ His mind flashed back to Mario, holding him steady as Angus tried to pull away. Somehow the resident found himself trying to fight Mario, telling him to let go of him. _“Let me_ go _!”_ Angus had half-shouted, struggling from Mario’s strong grip. But it didn’t relent. Mario’s only response was…

              _I was in a dark place then,_ Angus thought as he walked away from his bastard of a father. _It was so dark, and so cold…so very cold. As if all I felt was pure black fear inside of me._ And now, in the period of when Angus was struggling with Adderall and his demons, Mike had changed his power of attorney to Angus. It didn’t surprise the resident at all that his father didn’t think that Angus was capable of making a decision. _“When things get tough, you run away.”_ He had always been like that. Humiliation by his small jabs and insults. Mike always holding him as he cried as a young child and then as a teen, from all the bullies who mocked him for his weight, for his indecisiveness, everything.

              Desmond Leighton was simply another bully that Angus had his entire life. He had enough with the insults to his intelligence, his capability as a doctor, and as a human being. _Although…it’s nothing like what Mario’s dad is like._ Although his father had never said it out loud, it comforted Angus in a very small degree that his father at least, had not said to him that he would always be a disappointment. _“What did he mean disappointment? You’re a doctor!”_ Although he had said those words, Angus wasn’t certain how much his words had the desired effect. How must it have been like, to see a person who was nothing but poison in your psyche? But it was over now. Angus was now determined to cut out the disease, and not let it fester. His mind wandered over to Mario.

              He too had once been a bully in Angus’ life when they first met, but steadily became friends.  Mario had thought that sleeping with Heather would shatter whatever relationship they had, but Angus didn’t care. He had other more important things to deal with than who Mario slept with. Who would have thought that the person Angus despised the most would end being one of the people who saved him?

             It was true, in a way. Mike was the only one who visited Angus in rehab. But that didn’t mean that Mario didn’t try to. He was always telling Angus that it wasn’t a big deal, visiting him in rehab. _“It’s not like I haven’t done this before, Angus.”_ How many times had he said those words? Some would worry about Mario relapsing again, but that wasn’t the issue. Sitting in a hard chair as he listened to an addict of whose name he forgot prattle about his addiction, made Angus shudder in horror at the thought of Malaya finding out. She wasn’t supposed to find out that he had killed Gordon, had allowed him to bleed out and later die in a forgotten ICU bed. And _never_ was she supposed to find out about his addiction to Adderall. Angus would rather die than to find pity and disappointment in her eyes. Malaya had been through enough, with her own trauma. He couldn’t stand it if she took her time to try to heal him, and attempt to understand why he had taken Adderall in the first place. Malaya, with her fierce heart and kind eyes, had been his first friend in Angles. There were times, in the early days, when Malaya would just talk, and Angus would listen. How foolish he was to believe that those would be the happiest moments of his life.

           What a joke. His happiest moments were when he stopped having cravings and withdrawal symptoms. He had said something similar when he had found Mario looking at him, through cautious as fellow drug addict, months after being admitted to the local rehab facility. _“I can’t do this,”_ Angus had gasped as the normality of the situation came to him. He remembered a dream he had. A body was dropped off at Angels, its head lolling as the doctors – Malaya, Christa, Mario, Dr. Hudson, Dr. Rorish, and Jesse…Mike – came near. Although he could not understand of how he could see them, a ripple stung through Angus’ mind as he saw the shock and horror echoing in their eyes. The body that had been dropped was pale. Wearing a stained hoodie with vomit and other bodily fluids, the limbs shaking. He didn’t understand why his ears turned numb, or why the eyes burned deep inside of his broken heart, looking at the prone figure as if they knew –

             The patient had his face. No, Angus realized with mind-numbing horror. _It was him._ His blue eyes were glassy, and miserable whining escaped from his dry and cracked lips. Jerking limbs, and pleads…for more.

              More Adderall.

              _“I can’t do this!”_ Angus shouted, his tears almost escaping from his eyes as he saw Mario standing there. _“I can’t! What…if I can’t do this?”_ He gasped for breath, trying to breath as the tightening in his chest tightened. _“What if I…?”_ It was in the locker room.

              They were alone. Angus had just come back from another…session. His hands were shaking. His eyes were wandering, quick and hard, toward the shapeless-looking environment he felt he was in. Angus felt Mario’s eyes on his face. His dark brown eyes that had unreadable emotion.

 _“Calm down.”_ His voice was calm, standing in front of him. It was almost as if he was talking to a patient, and not to a friend as Mario repeated those words. A stray breath escaped from the dark-haired resident’s lips as Angus’ breathing slowed, not quickening like it had been moments before. _“Angus, look at me.”_ Angus didn’t look. He couldn’t. Otherwise – _“Look. At. Me. Angus.”_

Tears began to flow from Angus’ eyes, releasing the stress and poison inside as Mario’s eyes bored into his own. The fact that Angus was crying didn’t seem to matter.

              _“I don’t know why you started using, Angus, but it’s none of my business.”_

 _“And yet it’s your business to snitch me on my brother?”_ Angus snapped.

              Mario waved his hand as if friend had commented about the weather _“You have to do better than that Angus, to turn me away. And it is my business to know that you’ve an addict.”_

Angus winced, and he was shocked when an expression of sympathy passed Mario’s face.

              _“It’s going to be hard, Angus.”_ He stated his name gently, as if the animosity between them had never existed. Mario’s dark brown eyes were staring at him as Angus was an entire world. _“I can’t tell you how hard it is. Rehab is one thing. Then come the cravings and withdrawal symptoms.”_

 _“Don’t…”_ Angus tried to say, but struggled to even form his words. A sob was forming in his throat. _“Don’t come to rehab with me. Please.”_

Mario rolled his eyes. _“Either you think I’ll relapse or…”_ Suddenly his eyes widened, and a half-shaped “o” framed his mouth.

              That time, Angus had told Mario to let him go. But the stubborn resident wouldn’t listen to him. His arms still gripped Angus’ sides as the other resident tried to fight his way out. _“I’m scared,”_ Angus whispered in Mario’s scrubs as he fought the tears wanting to break free from his eyes again. _“I’m scared. Mario, I don’t know_ what _I’m supposed to do now.”_

 _“You think you going to rehab is going to make me like you any less?”_ Mario stated as Angus continued to relax. His voice was rough in disbelief. _“Trust me, I’ve been to too many rehabs to count, and well, you still like me.”_

_Even if killed someone?_

Instead of going to and vising rehab, Angus decided to talk to Mario through texts. The present now assaulted him through the human traffic of the ER, the smell of saline and blood flowing through his nostrils. It had been months since either of them had texted about drugs, rehab, or anything related to what had happened. Even so…Angus still kept the texts. Perhaps it was his way of conquering Adderall, or maybe it was because Mario had shared something with him.

              Somehow, Angus was scrolling through the messages. He didn’t know what he was trying to find. Or if he was trying to find anything. Perhaps it was just…that he was so glad that there was a person who didn’t find him a coward.

              Who thought he _was_ something.  

              And who…was with him every step of the way. There were some things that even Mike didn’t understand. The pull of the drug. The nightmares, and the fear so strong it was almost like death.

              _Many people, if they knew, would think I would be relapsing right now. Even Dr. Rorish wouldn’t be surprised._ A small smile framed Angus’ face, filling the hole of sadness and despair that had been there before. _But not Mario._

_Never Mario._

_So I…will not give up on Mike, as_ he _has done._

A small, sad smile framed Angus face as he saw the message blinking on the screen.

               Mario was still messaging him.

               As if to say that he was still there, that he still cared.

* * *

 

                _dont pull away from me_


End file.
